If you remember 'Reaganomics', you're too old for MySpace...

Sam Hart

2008-02-12 03:15:54

I'm feeling especially disappointed in my generation.

I've been discovering lately that many people I've known in the past, people who are roughly my age, are using MySpace. Not just using, actually, but getting into it. Making big, idiotic MySpace profiles, staying online for hours and hours, posting bullshit and idiotic threads on each other's profiles, posting stupid and annoying images and videos, and generally just shaming every person aged 30 or older.

Here's the deal, MySpace is lame. It's insanely lame. Everyone who uses it is a lame poser wannabe. They all fall into one of four categories:

If you use MySpace, you are one of the above. If you are my age, or older, you fall into the third category, which, really, is the most pathetic one to reside in. Hell, I'd rather be Pedobear than a member of the third category. Seriously, people who remember the Iran-Iraq Contras and are using MySpace are sad, pathetic excuses for humanity. They should be ashamed and what they do should be a criminal offense.

Why all the hate on MySpace suddenly? Well, my wife and I were sitting around after a long day of adult work, watching a little bit of television (I do this thing where I switch between The Daily Show and Countdown with Keith Olbermann... I know, it's strange) when we stumbled upon my ex-wife's MySpace page. Now, normally I have nice things to say about my ex-, but looking at her page all I can think is: "What. The. Fuck."

Cass, you're 37 and you have an image on your MySpace page like you're heading to a rave. You have horny 16 year old boys leaving messages on your page like you're going to be their Mrs. Robinson. And you have hearts... oodles and oodles of hearts... all over your page. Listen, I understand the big four-oh is looming on the horizon, and I know it's scary... but hell, woman! At least try to approach it with some dignity!