Will Smith can go to hell

Sam Hart

2007-12-13 15:05:25

I Am Legend is a film that apparently comes out this week. It's based on the classic science fiction novel I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. It's actually the fourth film to be based on this novel, but is the first one to actually share the same name as the novel. It is also the first movie that seems to follow the novel in terms of settings, concepts, and characters.

It's also going to be a piece of crap.

First off, I'm about to ruin the movie and the book. For the movie, who the fuck cares? It'll be shite. However, if you haven't read the book, me ruining it for you would be tragic. If you haven't read it, close this window right now, go get the book, and read it. When you're done, come back here and finish my post.

You done? You don't care and are gonna read anyway? Bah, your funeral...

"I Am Legend" is a story about the last man alive on earth, Robert Neville. This man somehow survives a viral outbreak that turns everyone into Vampires. Yes, I know, that sounds hokey, but hear me out.

The vast majority of the novel takes place in Robert's boarded up house. There, he wiles away the time getting drunk and feeling sorry for himself. It's a sad and tragic tale, and the self-destructive desperation counterbalanced with Robert's will to survive is poignant.

Outside Robert's house the Vampires gather nightly. They do all manner of mental torture to him; everything from women taunting him with their sexuality to neighbors and friends calling to him to come out. It's excruciating to read as Matheson skillfully puts you in Robert's shoes and makes you feel the hopelessness of his situation.

Robert's loneliness is made all the more profound by his attempts to contact any other form of non-Vampiric life. He spends weeks trying to capture and tame a wild dog, only to have it die from the virus shortly after he manages to tame it. He meets another human, Ruth, and has a similar experience with her; spends weeks trying to convince her he is not going to kill her, eventually winning her over.

The twist in the story is that Ruth is a Vampire, or, more specifically, a higher form of Vampire. She's part of a new and fresh society of these Vampires, one which has essentially claimed the world as their own. Robert is captured, and brought to this society. There, he discovers that this Vampire society regards him in the same way as his society regarded Vampires. They regard him as the monster, and they all fear him. In the end, he is executed, and we realize that the title "I Am Legend" was not in reference to the Vampires, but to Robert Neville, the last man on earth who future generations will remember as a monster.

Anyway, it's a great book. Hope I didn't just ruin it for you. If I did, well, fuck you... I warned you.

So why will Will Smith's new movie suck? Well, let's look at some trailers for it:

What did we notice here?

Another trailer:

I could go on, but I think I've made my point.

Another great book being raped by Hollywood. Joy.